Past Peak: Humor & Fun Archives

July 02, 2008

Today's Joke

This morning, in a 5-4 vote, the Supreme Court overturned Washington, DC's ban on handguns! Wooo! Finally, the residents of Washington, DC have the right to defend themselves. From each other, one assumes. Writing for the majority, Justice Antonin Scalia said, "It is not the role of this court to pronounce the Second Amendment extinct." He is right. Killing the Constitution is the president's job. The court's job is to overturn elections. — Stephen Colbert

Posted by Jonathan at 06:00 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

June 10, 2008

Today's McCain Joke

John McCain has a new slogan. Have you heard his new slogan? "A Leader We Can Believe In." See, that's a lot better than his old slogan. [Wheezing]: "I'll be okay. Give me a minute!" — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 10:14 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

June 08, 2008

Today's Joke

Our vice president, our old friend, Dick Cheney got in some trouble, made a joke. Did you hear about this? Made a joke about West Virginia, but he apologized. He did apologize for the joke he made about West Virginia. Nothing yet on the Iraq war. — David Letterman

Posted by Jonathan at 04:09 PM | Comments (1) | Link to this

May 06, 2008

Today's Bush Joke

I don't know if you're aware of this. We just passed a big milestone yesterday. True story. Yesterday was the five-year anniversary of President Bush's speech in front of the "Mission Accomplished" banner. Yeah, to celebrate, today, President Bush gave a speech in front of a banner that said "Economic Recession Over." — Conan O'Brien

Posted by Jonathan at 01:18 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

April 22, 2008

Today's Joke

Do you have a concern that you could win the nomination at the convention and defeat John McCain in the general and, you know, go to your inauguration, and Hillary would still be running? — Jon Stewart, interviewing Barack Obama last night

Posted by Jonathan at 03:20 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

April 04, 2008

Friday Fun

Utterly amazing:

[Thanks, Kevin]

Posted by Jonathan at 01:11 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

Today's Joke

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke speaking before Congress warned we may be headed towards a recession. Thank you, Captain Obvious. Let me guess, the real estate market not looking too good either. — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 11:40 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

March 14, 2008

Today's Joke

The race for the Democratic nomination moved yesterday to Mississippi where Senator Barack Obama defeated Senator Clinton by 61% to 37%. Second win in a row for Obama. Clearly gaining momentum. Major night for his campaign [on screen: montage of news anchors and pundits saying Obama's win was expected]. There you have it, if the media isn't surprised something is going to happen, it does not count. Actually, there was one shocking result [on screen: FNC's Sean Hannity saying, "Nine to one African-Americans vote for Barack Obama. 76% of the white voters go for Hillary. What are we to make of those two things?"] That slavery leaves a mark. — Jon Stewart

Posted by Jonathan at 03:25 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

March 10, 2008

Today's Joke

And on the Republican side? [on screen: McCain saying, "We have won enough delegates to claim with confidence, humility, and a great sense of responsibility that I will be the Republican nominee for president of the United States"]. Senator McCain, congratulations. All it took was grit, patience, and what was, in retrospect, a cartoonishly weak field of opponents. — Jon Stewart

Posted by Jonathan at 12:15 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

March 03, 2008

Today's Joke

[John McCain] looks like the kind of guy who still talks real loud on a long-distance phone call. He looks like the relative who you get blank e-mails from. He looks like the guy whose wife forced him to go on a cruise. He looks like the guy you have to nudge when his name is called. He looks like a freelance crosswalk guard. — David Letterman

Posted by Jonathan at 09:14 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

February 28, 2008

Today's Joke

How about that John McCain, huh? John McCain looks like the kind of guy who brags that his new denture adhesive allows him to eat corn on the cob. He looks like a guy who parks his RV overnight at Wal-Mart. — David Letterman

Posted by Jonathan at 10:00 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

February 27, 2008

Today's Joke

John McCain...looks like a guy who gets tickets for mowing under the influence. He looks like a guy with a collection of movies he bought at the car wash. He looks like a guy on the beach with a metal detector. He looks like the guy who is still confused by the phone answering machine: "Hello, is that - hello, is that you? Larry, Larry, hello?" He looks like the guy who calls his grandson when he screws up the remote: "Well, now all the shows are in Spanish. What am I going to do, hello?" — David Letterman

Posted by Jonathan at 02:54 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

February 26, 2008

Today's Bush Joke

This is exciting news. Southern Methodist University announced that they will be the home of George W. Bush's presidential library. This will be the first presidential library to be made up entirely of small, shiny objects. — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 05:21 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

February 20, 2008

Today's Joke

John McCain...looks like an old guy in a coffee shop who's still complaining about the designated hitter. He looks like the guy who asks the driver if he's on the right bus. He looks like the guy who's always saying, "What was that? Nothing? That's what I thought." — David Letterman

Posted by Jonathan at 12:08 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

February 19, 2008

Today's Bush Joke

And I guess you heard the U.S. military is going to shoot down that satellite that's falling to Earth. See, I knew this would happen. I knew it was just a matter of time before President Bush did a preemptive strike on ourselves. Do you know his rationale for shooting down the satellite? He said he wants to try and bring democracy to outer space. — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 02:36 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

February 18, 2008

Today's Joke

This has not been a good week for Hillary. I guess Bill bought her a dozen roses for Valentine's Day. Turns out seven of the roses have committed to Michelle Obama. — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 08:08 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

February 14, 2008

Today's Joke

The government is going to be handing out rebate checks. We're like a bad car dealership now in this country, handing out the rebate checks. They're trying to restore confidence in the U.S. economy. The bad news — half the people want the money in euros, the other half want it in pesos. — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 12:37 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

February 12, 2008

See You In 12,008

Humor & Fun Politics

Meet John McCain:

[Thanks, Miles]

Posted by Jonathan at 01:31 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

Today's Joke

The GOP likes to call itself the "Big Tent Party," which would make Mike Huckabee the revivalist tent. Ron Paul would be the circus tent. And of course, John McCain is the oxygen tent. — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 11:03 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

February 09, 2008

La Langosta Blanca

Via the incomparable Cryptogon, here's a surreal story that cries out to be made into a screenplay. Gabriel Garcia Marquez meets The Gods Must Be Crazy. Except it's true. Worth quoting at length. NZH:

At first glance, Bluefields in Nicaragua looks like any other rum-soaked, Rastafarian-packed, hammock-infested Caribbean paradise. But Bluefields has a secret.
People here don't have to work. Every week, sometimes every day, 35kg sacks of cocaine drift in from the sea. The economy of this entire town of 50,000 tranquil souls is addicted to cocaine.

Bluefields is a creation of the gods of geography. Located halfway between the cocaine labs of Colombia and the 300 million noses of the United States, Bluefields is ground zero for cocaine transportation. Nicaraguan waters are near Colombian territorial limits, making the area extremely popular with cocaine smugglers using very small, very fast fishing boats.

The US military calls them "go fast boats", which is a bureaucratic way of describing these mini-water-rockets. Typically these 12m boats have 800 horsepower of outboard motors bolted to the stern. A Porsche 911 Turbo, by comparison, has 485 horsepower.

While they are very fast, they are also very visible to the array of radars set up by roaming US spy planes, Coastguard cutters and helicopters which regularly monitor the speeding cocaine traffickers.

"With night vision equipment, I have seen a lit cigarette from two miles," a US Navy pilot said. "Or the back light from their GPS screen? It looks like a billboard."

When the Americans get close, the traffickers toss the cocaine overboard, both to eliminate evidence and lighten their load in an escape attempt.

"They throw most of it off," says a Lt Commander in the US Coastguard. "I have been on four interdictions and we have confiscated about 6000 pounds [2720kg] of cocaine, and I'd say equal that much was dumped into the ocean."

Those bales of cocaine float, and the currents bring them west right into the chain of islands, beaches and cays which make up the huge lagoons that surround Bluefields on Nicaragua's Atlantic coast.

"There are no jobs here, unemployment is 85 per cent," says Moises Arana, who was mayor of Bluefields from 2001 to 2005.

"It is sad to say, but the drugs have made contributions. Look at the beautiful houses, those mansions come from drugs. We had a women come into the local electronics store with a milk bucket stuffed full of cash. She was this little Miskito [native] woman and she had $80,000."

Hujo Sugo, a historian of Bluefields, says the floating coke has created a new local hobby.

"People here now go beachcombing for miles, they walk until the find packets. Even the lobster fisherman now go out with the pretence of fishing but really they are looking for la langosta blanca - the white lobster."

Given the remote setting and lack of infrastructure, there are few roads, few cars and the biggest shop in Bluefields sells nothing more sophisticated than a washing machine or TV set.

So what do the locals do with all this cocaine? They sell it to travelling buyers who cruise the coast, disguised as used clothes vendors.

"We know there are small shop owners who do this," says Yorlene Orozco, the local judge. "We are talking about people without a profession, no home, no job. One day later they have a new car, go to the casino and are building a home that costs I don't know how many thousands of dollars."

Law enforcement in Bluefields is practically invisible. "I just had a Swiss tourist tell me that when she went to the supermarket they tried to sell her cocaine," says Orozco.

The police and Navy have few resources and less trust from the local public. Bluefields is effectively an anarchist nation - no Government, no organised institutions and the rules are made by community groups.

Given the massive amount of cocaine in town, violence is surprisingly rare. Gunfights are nearly unheard of and most of the town seems to lounge around or play baseball all day and then erupt into a frenzy of energy by late afternoon, fuelled by Flor de Cana, a Nicaraguan rum, fresh fish, an endless supply of native oysters, and "the white lobster".

"Down by Monkey Point, a family found an entire boat ... they stashed it and bought up houses all over town. It was 57 sacks [about 1995kg]," says Jah Boon, a local Rasta man. "Those people have money and still have coke buried in them hills. It is another way of having money in the bank."

At a local price of $3500 per kg, the typical 35kg sack nets a cash sale price of $122,500, which by all accounts is spent immediately.

"Last time bags and bags washed up, everyone [felt like] a millionaire, but that money does not last." explains Helen, who runs a university research institute in Bluefields. Asked how the locals unload their cash, she said: "Beer, beer, beer. You should see the amount they drink here. Go to the pier and see how much alcohol goes out to the islands."

"When the drugs come in, everyone is happy, the banks, the stores, everyone has cash."

Arana, the former mayor, recalled one month when the village bought 28,000 cases of beer.

With literally tonnes of cocaine buried in the hills, stashed in yards and piled up around town, why doesn't the Colombian mafia storm into these remote communities and repossess their coke bales by coercion or brute force?

"Hell no," says Peter, a local businessman. "The Miskito [local Indians] are guerrillas. They have been through war. They have AK-47s and up." [...]

Because the Miskito often live in isolated communities, they maintain their own rules, independence and traditions, including the belief that whatever treasures arrive in a river or from the sea are gifts, blessed by God and to be enjoyed and shared. That includes the Caribbean lobster and the white Colombian variety. [...]

"If shit washes up on your shore it belongs to that family. Every family owns their turf," said a Miskito fisherman.

But when a fisherman finds white lobster the entire village shares the treasure, with a percentage going to the community, a smaller percentage to the church and the majority split among the crew of the small boat that found the loot.

"It is like a municipal tax," says Sergio Leon, a local reporter who has been writing about the drug situation in Bluefields for many years. "The schools and churches are not built by the Government, that money comes from the fishermen and their finds."

Drug money has been used to build a school and replace the church roof. "The pastors here get mad when they don't get their cut from the find," says Francisco a court official. "If a member of the congregation has found 15kg, the church calculates 15 times $3500, that's $52,500, and at 10 per cent they are saying: where's the $5250?"

At night, Bluefields wakes up. The locals wander down to Midnight Dream, a reggae bar that locals have nicknamed Baghdad Ranch because of the surreal nature of its party scene. Young black men wear baseball hats, NBA sleeveless shirts and Nike Air sneakers. They are bedecked in gold chains.

My new drinking buddy says: "I got protection," and lifts his Houston Rockets NBA shirt to show off the butt of a pistol. "You won't get thieved here." [...]

When the lyrics scream out "I feel so high, I can touch the sky", practically on cue the three girls at the next table pile coke on the back of their ebony hands and snort openly, laughing. Then they start the maypole dance the traditional fertility festival for this month, May, which has evolved into a wickedly sexy dirty-dancing routine. A stunning line of 1.8m black women swirl on the dance floor. A Rasta man stumbles by, his nose white, clumps of coke stuck in his beard.

This party is all paid for by the white lobster, which sells for $5 a gram. "Those guys over at that table, they are Miskito, they found seven bags," explains the waiter with the hint of jealousy usually reserved for lottery winners. "He will buy a couple of ranches, two boats and have someone else fish for him."

As the night progresses, the winners slowly disappear behind a wall of Tona beer bottles. No one ever seems to get tired.

No one ever seems to get tired. No kidding.

Posted by Jonathan at 12:22 PM | Comments (2) | Link to this

Today's Joke

But don't worry about Mitt. He can always go back to playing Dr. Miles Windgate on General Hospital. Mitt looks like the guy your mother points to and says why can't you be more like him. He looks like a former Tarzan. Mitt looks like a Tom Cruise handler. Mitt looks like a tour guide at the Nixon Library. Mitt looks like the guy that shows you around Total Fitness. Mitt looks like the honorary mayor of Sherman Oaks. Mitt looks like the guy who shakes your hand too hard. Mitt looks like the guy who has a crease in his jeans. — David Letterman

Posted by Jonathan at 09:56 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

February 08, 2008

Mel & Floyd

Friday afternoon, so time for some Mel & Floyd, streaming here for the next hour. Love these guys.

Posted by Jonathan at 01:08 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

Today's Joke

Posted by Jonathan at 10:41 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

February 03, 2008

Today's Joke

Don't worry about Mitt, if this presidential thing doesn't work out he can always go back to playing Victor Newman on the "Young and the Restless." Mitt Romney doesn't look like a president, he looks like a ringmaster. Mitt looks like a guy wearing a golf shirt in an Eddie Bauer catalogue. He looks like the desk clerk at a Peninsula Hotel who tells you your room's not ready. Mitt looks like the guy at a party who gives you his card. He looks like a tennis pro at a restricted country club. He looks like a Jet Blue pilot who comes out to greet the passengers during a delay. Mitt Romney looks like the guy who says to the contestant, "We're out of time, can you come back tomorrow?" — David Letterman

Posted by Jonathan at 05:32 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

January 30, 2008

Today's Bush Joke

During the State of the Union address, whoa what a rowdy crowd. Crazy crowd. At one point, Cheney had to fire a couple of shots in the air. It was such a riveting speech, the State of the Union speech, Senator Larry Craig only took two bathroom breaks. — David Letterman

Posted by Jonathan at 11:38 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

January 29, 2008

Today's Bush Joke

This week marked the one-year-left point in the Bush presidency. Folks, I'm with you, but stop cheering. He is still allowed to touch things. I pray he doesn't have one more giant f***up in him, because, you know, he does keep trying. He tried to screw up Social Security, right? He tried to appoint his cleaning lady to the Supreme Court. He tried to get a war cry going to attack Iran. It's not like he's going to quit. He's going to be the worst president ever to the very last minute of the very last day. So I'm still nervous about this last year. I have the same feeling about this last year of his in office as I have when I'm on the highway and I have to go to the bathroom and I just passed a sign that says "Next Rest Stop: 28 miles." — Bill Maher

Posted by Jonathan at 09:40 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

January 22, 2008

Today's Joke

Saudi Arabia has pledged to fight rising oil prices. Let's hope it works out better than their pledge to fight terrorism. — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 10:55 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

January 21, 2008

Today's Joke

Scientists announced today they have been able to grow rat hearts in a lab. Finally, some good news for Dick Cheney. — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 11:42 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

January 11, 2008

Today's Bush Joke

With all this talk of hope and change and idealism and getting the country back on track, it was a friend of mine, an old friend who — he wanted to say something to you. Is he ready to say it? [on screen: Pres. Bush saying, "Iran is a threat to world peace."] Boo! That's former president ... What is that? Oh, he's still... Bush's warning to Iran was sort of a nice reminder for all of us here in the country that he's still the president. And to drive the point home, he's actually going overseas. The president has taken on an ambitious Middle East eight-day, six-country, 12-war visit. I assume he's going to the Middle East like kind of one of those post Katrina surveying of the damage kind of: did I do that? — Jon Stewart

Posted by Jonathan at 03:55 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

January 07, 2008

Today's Joke

The whole damn state of Iowa is littered with the detritus of winners. Iowa is winner-tastic.

Obviously, Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee are winners because... well, they won. And that’s what winners do: they win.

But you’d also have to say that John Edwards and Mitt Romney are winners too, because even though they came in second, they called themselves winners, and as big time national politicos — you got to assume they know what they’re talking about.

Hillary Clinton is apparently a winner, because in her speech, after coming in third, she never gave the slightest impression she hadn’t won, so maybe she knows something the rest of us don’t, which is another characteristic trait of winners.

Fred Thompson won because he came in third after canvassing the state with the energy of a three-legged tortoise on reds.

John McCain won because he spent no time in Iowa at all and still came in fourth. Which, in some books, makes him a double winner.

Ron Paul is a big winner coming in a strong fifth, if there is such a thing, when most experts didn’t even expect him to be able to find Iowa on a map.

Rudy Giuliani, the Mayor of 9/11, won, because he spent no money in Iowa, which can now be used to frighten people in states with more foreigners.

Bill Richardson wasn’t really try to win anyhow, and he didn’t, so he’s a winner.

Joe Biden and Christopher Dodd may be the biggest winners because they don’t have to do this anymore.

Duncan Hunter is what you call a winner in reverse, since he polled just 500 votes. Which is only 500 votes more than you or I got, and we weren’t even running. Which certainly makes us winners. — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 04:48 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

January 04, 2008

Today's Joke

Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee demonstrated how he hates negative campaigning by showing journalists the negative ad he refuses to air. Kind of like proving your virginity by parading the hooker you won't screw. — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 10:57 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

January 03, 2008

Today's Joke

[Today,] of course, is the Iowa caucus. As you may know, caucus is a Greek word which means, "the only day anyone pays any attention to Iowa." — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 10:39 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

January 02, 2008

Today's Joke

Mike Huckabee said he knows there is duck hunting in heaven. Wow, doesn't sound like duck heaven is in the same place as human heaven. — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 12:31 PM | Comments (1) | Link to this

December 21, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

Congress passed legislation to toughen the Freedom of Information Act, and over at the White House, a series of secret, clandestine, behind-closed-door meetings will determine whether they'll sign the bill. — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 01:30 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

December 18, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

George Bush should get another dog and name him Diplomacy. Because then you couldn't say George Bush wouldn’t know Diplomacy if it bit him in the ass. — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 11:03 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

December 14, 2007

Today's Joke

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee says when he said people with AIDS should be quarantined, he didn't really mean, "quarantined." Hopefully, when he said he was running for President he didn't really mean, "President." — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 11:48 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

December 13, 2007

Today's Joke

Guaranteed to make you smile...

Posted by Jonathan at 12:23 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

December 12, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

President Bush said even though the latest National Intelligence Estimate purports Iran stopped its nuclear weapons program years ago, it changes nothing. Bush has a mind like a cement bedspread. Once he's made it up, it stays made. — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 02:23 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

December 04, 2007

Today's Joke

You got to love Mitt Romney. First, he's pro choice, then he's anti choice; so I guess that makes him-multiple choice. — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 02:13 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

November 30, 2007

Today's Joke

Mattel should produce a Mitt Romney action figure. In order to get it to change positions, you keep asking the same question. — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 12:03 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

November 29, 2007

Today's Joke

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.

They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours. When he came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his employee had been there so long.

"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses," explained the driver.

"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.

The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig." — Comedy Central

Posted by Jonathan at 01:02 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

November 28, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

Posted by Jonathan at 01:07 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

November 27, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

President Bush's immigration bill failed to pass. To be fair, this is not the first time in his life George Bush has heard the term "failed to pass." — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 04:56 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

November 21, 2007

Today's Joke

During one of the Democratic debates, Senator Joe Biden criticized Republican candidate Rudy Giuliani, saying, "There's only three things he mentions in a sentence — a noun, a verb, and 9/11." Giuliani later responded, saying, "Joe Biden sucks 9/11." — Seth Meyers

Posted by Jonathan at 11:47 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

November 20, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

I heard something interesting today. After he leaves office, George W. Bush is going to start a think tank. That's right, it's like Michael Vick opening an animal shelter. Yeah, the George Bush think tank: it only has a shallow end. — David Letterman

Posted by Jonathan at 10:45 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

November 19, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

I learned today that President Bush is a sensitive man. There's a new biography of the president out in which he says "I do tears," which means he cries. And he says he cries a lot, and I think it's kind of nice hearing that the president cries. It would be even better to hear that he reads. — Jimmy Kimmel

Posted by Jonathan at 09:40 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

November 17, 2007

Today's Joke

I'm trying to figure out exactly what it is that Rudy Giuliani did. Besides climbing out of a hole and shaking his fist at the sky, that is. — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 02:13 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

November 15, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

Attorney General nominee Michael Mukasey isn't sure whether waterboarding is torture. Sounds like a demonstration might be in order. I'm thinking the Senate Judiciary Committee should arrange one. — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 09:57 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

November 14, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

Today, President Bush said, "The Iraqis are taking back Iraq." Then Dick Cheney said, "But not the oil, right?" — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 10:31 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

November 13, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

Karen Hughes, a former adviser to President Bush, is leaving the State Department after working the last two years trying to improve the rest of the world's opinion of America. Congratulations on a job well done. Time to bring out that 'Mission Accomplished' sign again. — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 11:42 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

October 30, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

Condoleezza Rice says we have no plans to invade Iran. So how does that differ with what happened in Iraq? — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 04:42 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

October 29, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

The good news is FEMA showed up in California. The bad news is they came to fix the levees. — Will Durst

Posted by Jonathan at 04:19 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

October 26, 2007

Creationist Math

Humor & Fun Religion

Posted by Jonathan at 10:45 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

Today's Bush Joke

Thomas Jefferson once said: "Of course the people don't want war. But the people can be brought to the bidding of their leader. All you have to do is tell them they're being attacked and denounce the pacifists for somehow a lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country." I think that was Jefferson. Oh wait. That was Hermann Göring. Shoot. — Jon Stewart

Posted by Jonathan at 04:17 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

October 25, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

Screeners at the L.A. International Airport missed 75% of the fake bombs that were sent though the line. However, they did confiscate 100% of people's water bottles. — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 12:07 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

October 24, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

Good news for the terrorists: Undercover agents posing as passengers were able to get simulated bombs through the screening process here at LAX 75% of the time — but not one drop of shampoo. — Bill Maher

Posted by Jonathan at 10:17 AM | Comments (0) | Link to this

October 23, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

The Turkish Parliament has voted to approve the idea of invading Iraq. President Bush was furious. He said, "What kind of country takes a vote before it invades Iraq?" — Bill Maher

Posted by Jonathan at 01:20 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this

October 22, 2007

Today's Bush Joke

According to a new report, security screeners at our nation's airports — this is scary — failed to find fake bombs hidden on undercover agents 60% of the time. President Bush said today, "Well, who cares about fake bombs?" — Jay Leno

Posted by Jonathan at 05:03 PM | Comments (0) | Link to this