January 07, 2008
|Today's Joke||Humor & Fun|
The whole damn state of Iowa is littered with the detritus of winners. Iowa is winner-tastic.
Obviously, Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee are winners because... well, they won. And that’s what winners do: they win.
But you’d also have to say that John Edwards and Mitt Romney are winners too, because even though they came in second, they called themselves winners, and as big time national politicos — you got to assume they know what they’re talking about.
Hillary Clinton is apparently a winner, because in her speech, after coming in third, she never gave the slightest impression she hadn’t won, so maybe she knows something the rest of us don’t, which is another characteristic trait of winners.
Fred Thompson won because he came in third after canvassing the state with the energy of a three-legged tortoise on reds.
John McCain won because he spent no time in Iowa at all and still came in fourth. Which, in some books, makes him a double winner.
Ron Paul is a big winner coming in a strong fifth, if there is such a thing, when most experts didn’t even expect him to be able to find Iowa on a map.
Rudy Giuliani, the Mayor of 9/11, won, because he spent no money in Iowa, which can now be used to frighten people in states with more foreigners.
Bill Richardson wasn’t really try to win anyhow, and he didn’t, so he’s a winner.
Joe Biden and Christopher Dodd may be the biggest winners because they don’t have to do this anymore.
Duncan Hunter is what you call a winner in reverse, since he polled just 500 votes. Which is only 500 votes more than you or I got, and we weren’t even running. Which certainly makes us winners. — Will Durst