June 27, 2007
|Today's Bush Joke||Humor & Fun|
You remember Dick Cheney, he's the vice president of the United States. He shot an old man in the face and didn't tell anybody. Eventually, the news got out. Turned out the old man was fine. It was a hilarious story, and the old man ended up doing the right thing [on screen: attorney Harry Whittington apologizing to Cheney's family for the amount of media coverage]. At the time we all thought, "My God, how do you shoot an old man in the face — and get him to apologize? Ohh, Cheney. He must be evil. What's he hiding? What are his secrets?" Well, as it turns out, what he was hiding is everything.
CNN, of course, was referring to revelations that Dick Cheney's office has for years refused to comply with an executive order requiring him to report how he was classifying secret documents. In fact, rather than comply, Cheney attempted to abolish the agency in charge of the oversight. But unfortunately, since you can't shoot an entire agency in the face, he resorted to a different tactic. Cheney now claims he doesn't have to follow the executive orders because he's not a member of the executive branch. Now before you say, "Oh my God, the vice president's a crazy person that under normal circumstances wouldn't even be allowed to operate lightweight machinery," listen to his argument: He's not part of the executive branch because he's also president of the Senate, a legislative body. It's like the Harlem Globetrotters saying they were part of Scooby and the Gang, even though they only showed up once at a haunted amusement park and once on some Christmas special, which doesn't even count. — Jon Stewart