April 05, 2006
|The Onion Does DeLay||Humor & Fun Politics|
The Onion on Tom DeLay:
Tom DeLay To Pursue Corruption In Private Sector
Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, who is facing several ethics violations and felony charges, announced Tuesday that he will resign from Congress in order to concentrate on corruption in the private sector. "I can say with a clear lack of conscience that, after 21 years of public disservice, I have done everything I could to the American people," DeLay said in a televised statement to constituents. "I have a lot to offer the corporate world, such as money laundering and influence-peddling."
Or, he'll do a Chuck Colson and come out of prison and declare himself to be a born-again preacher. At which point, if DeLay isn't instantly struck by lightning where he stands, we will have final proof of God's non-existence.